


You Are My Cactus

by hobbit_hedgehog



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Natasha and Sam are bros, Natasha has a sense of humor, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Steve Has a Sense of Humor, cactus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 08:33:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3930088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hobbit_hedgehog/pseuds/hobbit_hedgehog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Steve called Bucky "his cactus", it threw him completely off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Are My Cactus

**Author's Note:**

> So, I was reading another Stucky fanfiction (I forgot the name of it, my apologies to the author) and they had Bucky call Steve a cactus. I immediately texted leonwingstein about how Bucky called Pre-serum Steve a cactus and once Steve found Bucky and things kind of returned to normal, Steve started calling Bucky a cactus. And things sort of escalated from there. I hope you all enjoy it!

The first time Steve called Bucky "His cactus", it threw Bucky completely off. Steve and Bucky were getting coffee with the team when Tony made some joke about Bucky being the human equivalent of espresso.

"You know, he's small and bitter," Tony tried to explain when Steve and Bucky gave him a look.

"I wouldn't exactly call Bucky small Stark," Natasha said, "He's taller than you are by a decent amount."

"Yeah, Bucky's like 5'11 and you're… How tall are you Stark?" Sam asks, a wide grin on his face. "5'7…. 5'8?"

"Taller than that and taller than you," Tony snapped.

"We're the same height," Sam retorts.

"And I'm not bitter," Bucky cut in, annoyed.

"Yeah, Bucky's not the equivalent of human espresso," Steve said. "He's my cactus."

Everyone turned to look at Steve, looks varied as Steve beamed, pleased with himself. Natasha was the first to respond.

"A cactus?" She asked, amused.

"I do not understand," Thor muttered.

"Yeah, I see raccoon, but not cactus," Tony remarked while Clint nodded in agreement.

Bucky threw his empty coffee cup at Tony before turning back to Steve, "Explain."

"Simple: You're a prickly asshole." Steve replied before taking a nonchalant sip of his coffee.

There was a moment of silence before the group erupted into hysterics. Sam and Thor roared louder than the rest, tears in their eyes as they laughed. Tony rested his head on the table and snorted. Natasha bit her lip, trying her hardest not to lose it but still looking thoroughly amused. Bucky looked taken aback, not entirely sure how to react.

"Come on Barnes, you have to admit that was pretty funny," Tony said after choking back his laughter.

Bucky humored Tony and flashed a small smile, but he made a mental note to ask Steve about it that night. Bucky didn't get the chance right away, as they were called away on a mission a mere four hours later. A HYDRA base had been found and it needed to be taken out. The team met up with Vision, Wanda and Rhodey before heading off to fight the organization. The mission went off without a hitch and three days later, they were home and Bucky had all but forgotten about being called Steve's cactus. 

It was at a Tony Stark party a week later that Bucky would hear Steve say it again. Bucky hated being at these kinds of parties, but as an official member of the Avengers, he had to make an appearance. Sam and Natasha sympathized, the pair also having a dislike for large parties, but the trio made a pact to grin and bear it. However, after an hour Bucky was getting antsy. He found Steve talking to Thor and an unknown brunette. Bucky made a beeline for his boyfriend and silently stood next to him. Steve looked over at Bucky and grinned, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"Hiya Buck," Steve said as he gave Bucky's temple a kiss. "Bucky, this is Jane Foster, one of the, if not THE, top astrophysicists in the world. Jane, this is Bucky, my cactus."

"It’s nice to meet you," Jane said, holding her hand out to Bucky. "Thor's told me a lot about you."

Bucky took Jane's hand in his and shook it before looking back at Steve with an annoyed look.

Jane looked back and forth between Steve and Bucky before asking, "Why a cactus?"

"He's a prickly asshole," Steve replied, word for word from when he said it a week earlier Bucky noted. "He's very prickly."

Jane and Thor laughed before saying goodbye and moving on to other people. Bucky waved as they went, his metal arm glinting in the low light. Once the two were out of sight, he turned to look at Steve.

"Why must you do this?" Bucky muttered.

"Because you're my cactus," Steve whispered back.

"I am not a desert plant," Bucky growled.

Steve lightly touched Bucky's shoulder before pulling his hand back quickly, mumbling so only Bucky could hear, "Oooh, that's prickly."

"Steve, I swear…" Bucky started, exasperated.

"You used to call me that all the time," Steve said, nuzzling Bucky. "Back before I volunteered for Doctor Erskine and I was the runt who picked fights with bullies, you referred to me as your cactus. Your small, prickly desert plant."

Bucky flushed slightly as he processed Steve's words. A memory came rushing to the front of his mind; it was of him helping Steve stand and muttering, "You are such a cactus." Bucky grins at the memory, pressing a kiss to Steve's forehead.

"You're still a cactus," Bucky mumbled.

"Not as much as you are," Steve replied.

~~

Cacti began to appear in Bucky's apartment. Bucky didn't know how it began, but it started not long after Bucky started to accept being called "Steve's cactus". It started with a cactus on his desk, a small one with tiny spines. Bucky placed it on the window sill, gave it some water and proceeded to forget about it. A week later, another one appeared; this time it was on top of Bucky's coffeemaker. Then another in his fridge, then another inside of his writing desk, in his closet, on top of the toilet tank, and on top of the record player. When Bucky found one in his bed, he finally snapped.

"Where the hell are all of these coming from?!" Bucky shouted one afternoon as he carried the small plant to the window sill.

Steve looked up from his spot on the couch, amused by the amount of plants in Bucky's apartment. Steve merely offered a shrug by way of answering and Bucky groaned.

"I have no idea who keeps getting in here or how they're getting in here," Bucky continued. "Each time I check Stark's security program, it says offline during the times someone broke in. There's nothing there and I'm left with another fucking cactus!"

Steve stretched before getting to his feet, "First, language. Second, I don't know what to tell you Buck. Maybe you should just accept the cacti and become King Cactus."

Bucky threw Steve a half hearted glare before he went into the kitchen to get water for the newest cacti. Steve grinned before making his way to the bathroom. He shut the door and turned, coming face to face with Natasha. Natasha flashed Steve a grin and Steve realized that she was holding a cactus in her hands.

"So you're the Cactus Culprit," Steve whispered, moving to touch the cactus.

"Of all the names you could have picked and you went with 'Cactus Culprit'?" Natasha whispered back, holding the cactus out of Steve's reach.

"It seemed fitting and it was the best I could do on the spot," Steve mumbled.

"So Rogers, you gonna turn me over to Barnes?" Natasha asked grinning. "I have to warn you, Sam's here too and he's busy changing all of Bucky's wallpapers to pictures of cacti."

Steve bit his lip before slowly and quietly opening the bathroom door, "Be quick about it."

Natasha's grin stretched wider as she bolted from the bathroom, her footsteps silent as she moved. Steve shut the bathroom door, went about his business and opened it again for Natasha. She ran past him and climbed through the window. She saluted Steve before dropping down and moving on her way. Steve silently thanked God that Bucky lived on the second floor and that Sam had his wings back before closing the window and walking out of the bathroom. The moment he made it back to the living room, he came face to face with an angry Bucky.

"It was you!" Bucky spat, the same cactus from earlier in his hands.

"Beg your pardon?" Steve asked, trying to keep a straight face.

"You're the one who put all of these god damn cacti in my apartment!" Bucky shouted as he dropped the cactus onto the coffee table.

"Oh look, you got another one," Steve pointed out.

"Oh don't try to be all cute Rogers, I know it was you," Bucky growled.

"It wasn't me, I promise," Steve said, raising his hands in a placating gesture.

"If it wasn't you, then who was it?" Bucky asked, arms crossed as he seethed with rage.

Steve opened his mouth to say that it was Natasha, but one look at the various cactuses and the look of barely contained outrage on his boyfriend's face and Steve was doubled over with laughter. Bucky took a step back, confused and aghast at Steve's behavior.

"Why are you laughing? What's so funny? Stop laughing and answer me Steve!" Bucky demanded, unsure how to proceed.

Steve took a few deep breaths and wiped the tears from his eyes before straightening. Steve tried to keep a straight face as he answered the aggravated man, "So prickly."

At the shocked look on Bucky's face, Steve's laughter renewed. He made his way over to the sofa and collapsed on it before his laughing fit made him fall to the floor. There was a whoosing sound and a throw pillow hit Steve in the face. Bucky hoped that it would make Steve stop laughing, but it only made the super soldier laugh harder. Bucky gave him a look of disgust and was about to throw another pillow at Steve when he heard his phone go off in the other room. Bucky muttered angrily in Russian and went to grab the cell phone, leaving Steve alone to collect himself. As Steve was calming down there was a commotion from the other room.

"God damn it Rogers!" Bucky shouted. "You changed my background to a fucking cactus as well?!"

"What can I say?" Steve called back, "It suits you."

Bucky went quiet and Steve realized that he had all of two seconds to move before the Winter Soldier would come storming back in, so he leapt off the couch and bolted for Bucky's bedroom. He made it into the room and slammed the door shut, locking it just as Bucky rammed into the wood.

"You're going to get it Rogers!" Bucky shouted through the closed door.

"I love you too my prickly little cactus!" Steve shouted back.

Steve's comment earned him an exasperated shout and a renewed banging on the door. Steve knew that Bucky was going to exact his revenge on Steve the moment he opened the door, and that both Sam and Natasha were going to owe him one, but for now, he would enjoy making fun of his prickly cactus.


End file.
